Walking alone with Vlad anywhere is a guarantee that I will receive strange looks from people. I can tell by the their confused faces they are trying to figure out what our relationship is. To make matters worse, my son is at time (rarely the longer he has been home) affectionate and will act like a child and hold my hand when we are walking somewhere or put his arm around my shoulder. I am then given evil stares from those around me, assuming and judging me, without really giving it a second thought. They most likely think I am some sort of child predator that has lured this young boy into spending time with me (which yes since he is a teenager getting him to spend time with his parents usually involves some sort of bargain). But then when people hear him call me mom the looks change, usually even more judgmental, because they are trying to guess how young I must have been when I had him. And although it would have been scandalous and I would probably have given judging looks also, I would have been 14 years old when he was born.
Teen moms go through a hell of a struggle trying to not only parent a child but to continue to grow up themselves. There are long days and nights filled with tears because they just don't feel like they know what they are doing, and what did they get themselves into. They, just like new parents don't know what to do with a baby and have to figure it out while they go, while at the same time learning how to now be a responsible adult. All of these experiences are the same for a parent that has adopted a teenager, even more so for those who didn't have a teen before. I am only 30, and most days this feels old, but it was not too long ago that I was a teenager. I am continuing to grow up and learn what it is to be an adult and a good mom everyday.
But honestly I don't think anyone is ever "prepared" to be a parent no matter how many classes you take or books you read. No child is the same, no family situations are exactly the same and you learn this very quickly. And even though two children might have the same history or illness, it doesn't automatically mean that they can be treated the same way. It is a lot of trial and error and finding what works for you, your child, and your family. This might mean having to hold your baby almost upside down to get them to take a bottle. Or needing to have a mediator when discussing money with your teenager because their emotions are linked to not having any money or anything, and they aren't able to openly discuss things like this without help so they don't feel as vulnerable. All of these things you come to learn over time, as you get to know your child more everyday you spend with them.
And just like a newborn there are many tears that come with parenting an adopted teen. Not only can an infant not talk or communicate clearly what their needs and wants are, neither can a child that speaks a different language making them feel as though no one understands them causing frustration and anger (our son now speaks very good English after just 9 months home). My point is, that adopting a teenager from a different country is very much like becoming a parent for the first time. There is so much unknown, late sleepless nights, roller coaster of emotions, not knowing what your child needs or wants, wanting to hold them but they don't want to be held or consoled, and learning how to now exist with another human being dependent on you.
That first year of parenting a newborn is exhausting, challenging, and filled with hope for the future (especially for sleeping through the night), and this is the same as adoption. There are so many trials you will face, but just keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. One day they will be able to clearly communicate their needs, wants, and dreams. They will be able to understand, even if they don't agree with, the rules and what it means to be a part of a family. As a parent, no matter how old you are, you just need to do the best you can do. Show your child they are loved, do everything in your power to keep them safe, and make them feel important and wanted. These are the basic needs every child has, and can be met by anyone willing to take the time and put in the effort. Just as Jesus chose to not only take the time, but put in everything he was in order to save us and give us life.
Titus 3:5-6 "He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior"
But honestly I don't think anyone is ever "prepared" to be a parent no matter how many classes you take or books you read. No child is the same, no family situations are exactly the same and you learn this very quickly. And even though two children might have the same history or illness, it doesn't automatically mean that they can be treated the same way. It is a lot of trial and error and finding what works for you, your child, and your family. This might mean having to hold your baby almost upside down to get them to take a bottle. Or needing to have a mediator when discussing money with your teenager because their emotions are linked to not having any money or anything, and they aren't able to openly discuss things like this without help so they don't feel as vulnerable. All of these things you come to learn over time, as you get to know your child more everyday you spend with them.
And just like a newborn there are many tears that come with parenting an adopted teen. Not only can an infant not talk or communicate clearly what their needs and wants are, neither can a child that speaks a different language making them feel as though no one understands them causing frustration and anger (our son now speaks very good English after just 9 months home). My point is, that adopting a teenager from a different country is very much like becoming a parent for the first time. There is so much unknown, late sleepless nights, roller coaster of emotions, not knowing what your child needs or wants, wanting to hold them but they don't want to be held or consoled, and learning how to now exist with another human being dependent on you.
That first year of parenting a newborn is exhausting, challenging, and filled with hope for the future (especially for sleeping through the night), and this is the same as adoption. There are so many trials you will face, but just keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. One day they will be able to clearly communicate their needs, wants, and dreams. They will be able to understand, even if they don't agree with, the rules and what it means to be a part of a family. As a parent, no matter how old you are, you just need to do the best you can do. Show your child they are loved, do everything in your power to keep them safe, and make them feel important and wanted. These are the basic needs every child has, and can be met by anyone willing to take the time and put in the effort. Just as Jesus chose to not only take the time, but put in everything he was in order to save us and give us life.
Titus 3:5-6 "He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior"