One year can change everything. Depending on the situation things can be changed both for better or for worse, but for us things have only gotten better. Vlad has been home a little over a year now. After years of living through some very horrific experiences, he is now a part of a family, one that loves him unconditionally. It took a long time to get where we are today, hours of therapy, thousands of years, numerous fights and misunderstandings, but he is beginning to understand what it really means to be a part of a family and that no matter what we will stand by him.
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Sweet baby Vlad. A photo I cherish :)
When Vlad first came home, he looks
so young to me.
One year home going to Prom
I don't know if it is cultural to Ukraine, orphan culture or both, but learning that our love and presence were and are unconditional has been one of the hardest concepts for him to accept. Not only will he question it about himself but for our other children as well. Why would we still love and want to spend time with our youngest who throws tantrums over nothing, why not just beat him and leave him in his room until he will just sit quietly and do nothing. Why should we care about when he has a test or project at school it is his problem not ours. If he is fighting with a friend and upset why do we ask what happened and try to help, we don't know his friends. Basic concepts that have been instilled in me my entire life, to show love exercise forgiveness and grace and demonstrate that I care about my family and their problems, are all ideas that were lost to him at first.
But slowly, week by week we were able to break through a little more, build trust and show love and grace. Showing up to all his soccer games, because that is what family does. Driving 12 hours for him to see his best friend because we understand how important his friends are to him. Going to drop him at a friends house for prom and wanting to stay to take pictures so that we can have those memories and share them with him. Acts that normally are just expected of a family are the way that we were able to build trust, respect and love. Turning a lost boy into a son.
It is hard for me knowing that he has an entire lifetime of memories and connections with his biological family. That no matter what happened in his life he desires to communicate and have a relationship with people that hurt him. I don't know if it is out of jealousy and feeling that I am not a good enough mother, or for fear that they will hurt him again. Knowing that I missed out on so many important moments in his life, and wasn't there to keep him safe when he wasn't able to kills me. But I remember that Gods timing is perfect and intricately planned out, and that our son came to us when he was suppose to. I look forward to so many more important moments in the future and do my best to makeup for the time we weren't there.
"For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay"- Habakkuk 2:3